Cloth Masks & A Trip to the Grocery Store

I had thought about showing you what I’ve been doing with my Bullet Journal recently, but when I was thinking back over yesterday, I decided to share this instead. It’s another wall of text, so sorry about that!

Cloth Masks

Does anyone else have challenges with wearing a cloth mask?

I’ve ordered some nice (& cute) ones from Etsy that I really like. Overall, they are much more comfortable than I expected and they are less of a hassle than I had imagined. There’s a minor annoyance of my glasses fogging up when I first put a mask on, but usually, it works itself out. I’ve been wearing cloth masks all this week anytime there’s a decent possibility of encountering someone else who is not my husband (common spaces at work, grocery stores, etc…)

However, I do have some mild sensory issues. They typically aren’t a problem in everyday life- I’m a bit fussier about the texture of things on my skin, I have zero tolerance for uncomfortable clothing, and I’m very sensitive to temperature changes. Mostly this means I just come off as a bit fussy. 

One of the things I am most “fussy” about is the temperature of the air I am breathing. Mostly when I’m anxious, stress, sick or feeling nauseous (the last one is more common than it ought to be because I have motion sickness). I hate warm humid air. I like cool, breezy air. The only time I don’t have the window down in the car is when it is super chilly outside and the car hasn’t warmed up yet (as soon as the heat is going, though, that window is coming down!) or when it’s raining hard. I need air circulation (fan or window open) to sleep at night. When I’m stressed I need to take deep breathes to calm myself and it’s so much better if the air is cool and fresh. Warm, humid air makes me feel like I can’t breathe. If I’m stressed it exacerbates the problem because feeling like I can’t breathe makes me panic, sending my heart rate up higher.

I’m sure you guessed where I am going with this, right? Unfortunately, my own breath is warm and creates a rather humid environment behind the mask. I can’t take a big gulp (sniff?) of cool air when I need it. In most cases, I’m totally fine with the mask, but if I get at all anxious, stressed or frustrated I start feeling like I can’t breathe and I start getting very upset.

A Trip to the Grocery Store

This happened yesterday at Wegman’s. On the way home from work, we stopped at Wegman’s (a grocery store chain, if you aren’t familiar with it). I find grocery shopping stressful- mostly because of the other shoppers- so pre-pandemic, I did all of my shopping online and picked it up at my grocery store on the way home from work. It worked very well and I loved it. While I still shop online, my grocery store is often out of many items, so we need to supplement our shopping with a trip to a different, much larger, grocery store in the city which is conveniently on our way home.

We were missing the specific rice mix I need to make this Copycat Panera Chicken & Wild Rice Soup recipe (https://wishesndishes.com/copycat-panera-chicken-wild-rice-soup/), shredded carrots for a chow mein noodle casserole, sour cream for Buffalo chicken quesadillas, chicken strips for a salad I wanted to make and potato chips to serve with egg salad sandwiches. The only dinner that I had all the ingredients for was chicken fried rice, so I had made that the night before. I also wanted some of Wegman’s cookies because: yum. And some Red Hot Blues which my grocery just doesn’t carry.

The store was a little too crowded (particularly for midafternoon on a Wednesday during a global pandemic) and it was challenging to maintain good social distancing. The produce, baked goods, etc...areas on the sides of the store were pretty good but the aisles in the middle were a bit cramped. When I turned down the aisle with the rice, I encountered a roadblock of a couple of women, they were back to back and oblivious they were taking up the whole aisle and no one could pass them. Other people were trying to navigate around them as well. I waited, patiently, a good distance away. I wasn’t in a rush but I was trying to complete my order as quickly as possible, as I assume most people were. Eventually, they moved, but one of the women continued to get in my path by placing her cart in the middle of the aisle. She’d move it a little, keep it at an odd angle...she was impossible to get around. She saw me a few times but didn’t bother to move her cart to one side, though I was trying to make it obvious I wanted to get around. After a while, I made it down to the section I needed- the rice. 

Oh, the rice mix. I’ve been trying to find this one flavor of Rice-a-Roni for weeks now (Long Grain & Wild Rice). They’ve had plenty of other types of Rice-a-Roni such as the Creamy Chicken, but not the one I need for my soup. Once again, they didn’t have it. I saw that Near East had a similarly titled one, so I picked it up to have a look to assess whether or not I wanted to use it as a substitute. After a few seconds glancing at the box, I realized I should compare cooking times on a Rice-a-Roni box to see how they compared...and BAM….the lady’s carriage was between me and the rice. Once again, she totally saw me. At this point, I was wondering if she was doing it on purpose like I had offended her somehow. So I backed up to the other side of the aisle and waited….and waited….and waited...and waited...Finally, I gave up in a loud and angry huff and walked away. I think the woman said something like “Oh, was I in your way?” as I left, but I ignored her and moved on with my shopping.

Did I handle the situation appropriately? Of course not. Should I have politely said, “excuse me”? Absolutely. But...talking to complete strangers takes all my energy and focus on a good day. Even to groups of friends or coworkers, my heart races and my cheeks flush when I have a long conversation. I have to feel 100% comfortable with you before it’s not a problem. Very few people fall into that category. And there’s an extra complication with the mask...I normally struggle to annunciate my words. I speak quickly and people often don’t understand or misinterpret what I say. It’s not terribly noticeable to most people probably, but it bothers me. Despite my best efforts, I don’t think I speak very clearly all the time. I think I’ve improved some as I get fewer people commenting these days, but it is still hardwired into my brain. I can be very polite and friendly to strangers...when my stress levels (or brain state for those of you familiar with neuroplasticity) are in a good place and I’m “above the line”, but when I’m stressed? Nope.

So, sorry random grocery store lady. You deserved better...the benefit of the doubt, a polite request and acknowledgement of your comment. But I just couldn’t handle things at that moment.